Wild By Nature
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: Dean returns from decades of torture but he's not normal. He's no demon but he's not really human either. He's a little wild and completly unable to function in the world. Can Sam help him remember what it's like to be human? PLEASE REVIEW! UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

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I know, I have too many stories. I know, I know. I can't help it though! I can, but I don't want to. Lol. And I'm also updating my other stories, updated two last night, and I'll update some more tonight. But I just wanted to get this idea out on the computure :) Yes, this is going to be somewhat similar to what happened to Buffy when she returned, but he's going to be much more mentally unbalanced.

And in this episode he's not going to be wanted by the police. Just makes things easier for this fic :)

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**Prologue

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**Dean's eyes flew open. His paniced breathing resumed as he realized that he was trapped in a coffin. On wild animal instinct he started to claw at the top of the coffin, managing to push it open. Quickly he pushed his way through the dirt, gravel, and rubble. He stared at the other graves around him. He realized that he was blinded by the sun. In a daze he managed to walk down the cementary in obvious shock. He couldn't stop blinking. Everything was too bright. Too loud.

"Sir?" Nearby a policeman had seen how dazed Dean looked while wondering the sidewalks of the downtown area. "Are you all right?"

Dean didn't respond. It was almost as if he had forgotten how to talk.

"Sir?" The policeman asked again, walking up to him this time. Dean stared at him dumbly. He couldn't stop blinking, or shading his eyes from the overally bright sun. The policeman frowned. "Are you all right, sir?" Dean still said nothing. The policeman nodded. "Let's get you to the hospital and get you looked at, shall we?" He went to touch Dean who jerked away, eyes widened. The policeman's own eyes widened. It was clear that this young man was in some sort of shock. He had been through some sort of obvious ordeal.

Somewhat more gently the policeman touched him again and this time Dean allowed him to be led away.

* * *

Moments later he found himself in another strange place. The hospital. He saw the mouths moving. Heard the words, but was unable to say anything. He was pratically paralized.

"Sir? What is your name?" Both the doctor and the policeman were asking him over and over. No response. Sighing, they glanced at each other helplessly. Both were unsure of what to do or what to say. Than Dean saw the instruments such as the scalpel in front of him.

Before the doctors could do anything he freaked. Suddenly they were fighting him, holding him back. He was transforming into a wild animal before their eyes. He even gave a low and deep growl that shook them both. Finally the doctor managed to jab a needle into his neck, causing him to fall limp into their arms as they placed him on the bed.

* * *

Sam sat, half asleep and more than a little drunk, in front of the tv. Even though the fire was at a full roar he shivered. Suddenly his eyes shot wide open when he saw his dead brother's face flash before the screen on the news.

"What the..." He let his voice trail off as he turned up the volume. He listened as they talked of how they had found this young man wondering in the streets with no name and seemingly unable to communicate, or understand what anyone was saying.

Sam put his hand to his mouth. Could it be? That was impossible. He shook his head.

If it was a shapeshifter, though, he wasn't going to let it steal Dean's image and insult his brother's memory like that.

Fury building up inside him he grabbed his coat and stormed out of the room-determined to find out what the hell was going on....

**_To Be Continued..._**


	2. Chapter 2

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Thanks for the reviews! Don't worry, this is a longer chapter than the other one. The other one is more of an intro. Reminder, they aren't wanted at all. I just decided it made this fic and dealing with the police a lot easier, lol.

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**Chapter 1**

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Sam stood in front of Dean's room. It had taken him a while to convince them to let him see this person that looked like Dean. He had used the story of a missing brother and seeing him on the news. He made sure he remembered th bring the silver knife. Softly he asked the policemen and doctors if he could have a moment alone with this stranger. This stranger that _couldn't _be Dean, but looked so much like him. Quietly he stepped closer to the sleeping figure in front of him. When he was sure that no one was looking, trembling he took out the silver knife and pressed it against the arm. Sam stared in mixed horror and shock as he watched it bleed. If it wasn't a shapeshifter, there was no way it would have been able to have survived that. Than the next test. Quickly he sprinkled holy water, certain that he would see the skin burn. Nothing.

He collapsed on the chair next to Dean's body and placed his hand in front of his mouth. Could it be? Could it be _Dean?_ But that was impossible! And yet here was this person that looked like him, but was not a demon or a shapeshifter. Sam shuddered in shock. One of the policeman came in.

"Is everything all right sir?" Sam looked at him, tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, I think so," he gasped. The policeman smiled.

"I take it you know him?"

Sam nodded, biting his lip.

"I think he's my brother."

"You think?" The officer frowned.

"He's been missing for months," whispered Sam. "I thought....I thought he was dead."

"Well," said the officer. "We were going to run a fingerprint scan for identification. Would you still like us to do that?"

Sam nodded quickly. That way he could be certain. The man nodded and left. Sam's breathing quickened as he stared at his brother. It couldn't be...and yet, he was certain that it was. A sob threatened to escape his throat. He was having a hard time breathing. He needed to leave. He needed to breathe. He had to call Bobby.

* * *

A few hours later Bobby sat next to him in the waiting room, the police paper with Dean Winchester's picture in Sam's hand. The fingerprints had matched. There was no question about it. It was his brother, Dean. Back from the dead.

"Can I take him home?" Sam pleaded.

"We would really like to keep him here for observation," the doctor began. "It's obvious that the young man has been through some sort of ordeal..."

"To put it mildly," muttered Bobby. Sam stood up.

"Look," he whispered, taking deep breaths. "I appreciate what you want to do. I really do. It's just that I know him. I know that the fastest way he'll heal is if he's with me. In familiar surroundings. Not in a hospital with strangers."

The officers and the doctor looked at each other.

"All right," the doctor finally considered, after looking into the pleading eyes of the young man in front of him. "But if he get's worse..."

"We'll bring him back here," Bobby agreed.

"And it's probably best," the officer told him. "That he remains sedated for the ride over to your place. The way he was acting before could be harmful to you two."

Sam and Bobby glanced at each other, worry in their eyes. But they nodded.

So finally they managed to wheel a still sedated Dean Winchester into the back of the Impala.

"Maybe this well jolt his memory some," Sam said, in an attempt to joke.

"Why don't you let me drive?" Bobby suggested, seeing how rigid the boy seemed. "You can sit in the back, with Dean."

Sam stared at him and gratefully nodded his head. They both knew that he was in no position to drive. Quickly, and eagerly, he slid into the other side and placed Dean's head on his lap. Dean moaned, but that was all. Sam still placed his hand over his mouth as he stared at his sleeping brother.

"You all right kid?" Bobby asked, glancing at the review mirror.

"Yeah," gasped Sam, fighting back the tears. "I just can't believe that it's really..."

"Dean?" Bobby arched his eyebrows. "Neither can I," he sighed. "It's a Goddamned miracle," he added and Sam nodded in silent agreement.

"A miracle," he whispered, clutching his brother's body tightly. "A miracle."

* * *

Dean woke, gasping. The room was duller than it was before, that was good. He couldn't stop his body from shaking though. Suddenly a voice that seemed vaguely familiar, like he had heard it in another lifetime, was speaking softly to him. This time he was able to understand what it was saying. Sort of.

"It's okay Dean, your safe. I'm here. Me, Sam. Your brother. You remember me?" He saw the figure move in front of the window and finally he saw the face. He recoginzed it too. Like a distant memory. Part of a good dream he had had over the years in the dark and cramped pits of hell. A hand touched him. His instinct was too fight but it wasn't harsh. It was kind, and warm. Gentle. It rubbed his wrists, as if messaging it.

"I'm here, Dean," the voice whispered, it was trembling though. "And I'm not leaving you. You're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm here."

And with that soothing voice repeating those words slowly he fell back into the bed and drifted off into a finally peaceful sleep.

**Should I continue? I hope a lot of people review, because I'm kind of excited about this story :) It's going to be pure Dean angst with protective Sam, which is new for me :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm thrilled that people are reviewing so quickly. I guess I'm not the only one who likes this storyline :)

* * *

Chapter 2**

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The fire returned in his dream, turning it into a nightmare. He saw the faces of the monsters looming over him. Felt the bones breaking, blood spilling out of him. He screamed in horror.

Sam woke with a start as he heard his brother screaming in his sleep.

"Dean!" He shouted, pushing himself closer to the bedside. "Dean, wake up! Wake up!" He shook his brother, fear lodging in his throat. "It's just a dream. Just a bad dream." He continued to shake Dean who's eyes shot open. He looked around, clearly dazed.

"Dean?" Sam stared at him hopefully. Dean continued to gasp for breath, while whimpering. Never before had Sam seen Dean so unglued. It unnerved him. He felt his brother's body trembling underneath him. "Dean?"

Dean managed to focus his sight on the voice that was speaking. It was soothing. The creatures that were taunting him was slowly vanishing. Tears were falling down his face. For a while he had felt so alone, so scared and uncertain. This new world was terrifying to him. But this voice, whoever it was, reminded him that he wasn't completly alone. That there was someone there. Someone in the dark, looking after him. It was a small dose of comfort, but it was enough to sooth him. For a little bit at least.

Sam continued to talk to him softly, while pushing him back down. His whole body was trembling. Sam closed his eyes as he watched the mess that his brother had became.

_You should have just let me die, Dean _he thought to himself. _I'm not worth it. I wasn't worth it._

Tears fell down his face.

_I'm not worth it._

He covered Dean's body in a blanket. He was assured by Bobby that Dean would be watched while he went and got him some food. Some pie in particular. He sighed, wondering if this Dean even remembered how to eat.

When he got back he was relieved to see that Dean was still sleeping.

"You should go on to bed, Bobby," he sighed. "I can watch him from now on."

"What about you?" Bobby looked at him worriedly, but Sam smiled as he glanced at Dean's sleeping body.

"Trust me," he assured Bobby with a short laugh. "I'm more than okay." Bobby smiled, and nodded. He more than understood what Sam meant. Sam sat in front of his brother, never taking his eyes off of him. But slowly his eye lids grew heavier and heavier.

When Dean opened his eyes again a few hours later he stared at the figure the soothing voice belonged to. That person was sleeping in an upright position.

He eyed the bags next to him. Curiosity rose in him as he searched through them. He struggled with remembering how to open the bag of chips. How to turn the lid of a can. How to open a soda. His eyes widened with either delight or digust as each flavor felt new to him. Without realizing it, he had forgotten how to taste food. How to even eat. Or what food even was. Where he was the only things the others ate were the skin from his own body. He flinched at that memory as he scarfed down the pie. Not knowing that he was supposed to use a fork he was using his hands. He began to sniff his surroundings. Trying to get a clearer visual of where he was at. Slowly he walked up and looked around.

Sam jolted at the noises he had heard. Quickly his eyes snapped open and looked at the cot in front of him. It was empty.

"Dean?!" His eyes widened. Had the entire thing been a dream? No, that would be too cruel. "Dean!"

He heard noises from Bobby's kitchen. Slowly he walked towards it. A smile grew on his face as he saw Dean standing in front of the fridge with it wide open. There was still his brother inside of this person. The old Dean wasn't lost for good. He touched Dean's shoulder. Bad mistake.

Dean jumped at the touch and wipped around. Unable to stop him he grabbed Sam by the neck and started to squeeze.

"Dean!" Sam gasped, his face turning blue. "Dean, please! It's Sam! Your brother. You remember me? Sammy?" His voice was hourse and he was choking now, Dean's grip getting tighter. "Dean..."

Dean stared into his eyes and than saw the amulate around Sam's neck. And than something inside him snapped. His whole body shook as he let go of Sam's neck.

"Sammy?"

The two locked eyes and for the first time since he had returned Dean truly saw, and recoginzed, his brother...

**How will Dean's recovery be now that he remembers his brother? Will the animal inside of him still be unleashed? All will be answered in time! :) **

**_To Be continued _**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm deciding to update some of my more older fics because I miss getting reviews in my email :) Hint, hint!

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**

For a while no one said anything as Dean released the grip that he had around his little brother's neck. Tears filled Sam's face as he saw the recogination in Dean's eyes.

"Dean?" He murmured back. "Do you...do you really remember me?"

Dean stood there, shaking.

"Yeah," he said while swallowing. It felt strange to form actually words, but the process was coming back to him. "Yeah...I...do." He spoke slowly, as if carefully trying to sound out each word. He stood there, shaking. "H..how could I not?" He gave a poor attempt at a wobbly smile and Sam started to laugh as he recoginzed his old brother in there. The way Dean used to be before he went to hell.

"Dean," he whispered, his voice choked. "It's really you, isn't it?"

Dean slowly nodded. Suddenly a noise startled him.

"What...wh...at was that?" He stammered, eyes darting nervously and Sam smiled.

"It was just the heater turning on," he said soothingly and Dean nodded, trying not to show his fear.

"Sit, sit," Sam said suddenly, in an urgent voice. Dean quickly obeyed. "I saw you were in the fridge," Sam added with a smile. "Hungry?"

Dean shook his head.

"Not anymore," he murmured. It was getting easier now to form words. He was a fast learner, and he remembered things quickly. Sometimes remembering things were a curse, though. Sam handed him a glass of water that was on the stand next to the couch.

"Cold?" Sam asked, handing him a blanket. Dean smiled at the worry in his brother's voice. He shook his head.

Sam sat there, unsure of what else to say.

"I..." He shook his head. "I...I can't believe it," was the first thing that came back to him. Dean stared at him. "I thought I was dreaming, when I found you," Sam admitted. "I still think I'm dreaming. I can't believe that you're still...you know, alive."

Dean gave a tired smile.

"Neither can I," he admitted. Sam stared at him.

"Do you remember anything?" He asked. "About hell?" By the way Dean was acting, he could already guess. Dean slowly nodded and took a huge gulp of the water.

"Suddenly thirsty," he muttered and Sam closed his eyes so Dean couldn't see the guilt in them.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."

Shaking, Dean slowly nodded.

"I want to," he whispered. "But I can't...not right now."

"That's all right," Sam assured him. "The only thing that matters to me is that you're here. That you're alive...somehow." Tears filled his eyes and Dean glanced at him sharply.

"You didn't do anything stupid, did you?" He said, talking normally now. He may sound normal, but he was still far from what the old Dean was.

"What, like make a deal?" Sam asked, and he nodded sharply. "I wish," snorted Sam and Dean glowered at him darkly. "I didn't. I couldn't do anything," Sam muttered. "I wish that was the case, but I'm just as baffled as you are. I wanted to bring you back, but I failed. I failed to save you like I promised...I failed, and I'm sorry Dean." Tears dripped from his eyes. "So sorry." He let the last words fall into a whisper.

Dean stared at him, sadness filling his eyes as he took his brother's hand. That was all that needed to be said. Sam quickly embraced Dean and Dean allowed him to hug him, while hugging back. It felt good, to have someone hugging him like that. To be touched and it not be painful. He let the warmth sink in him.

All of a sudden, he felt exhausted. Sam could sense it, as if he was feeling it himself. As if they were connected, which they were.

"You should go back to bed," he said softly. "All of this must be exhausting to you."

Too tired to argue Dean nodded gratefully and Sam showed him the bed. Smiling he watched his older brother climb into it before he climbed into his.

A few hours later he woke to screaming. He jolted out his bed and rushed into Dean's room.

"Dean?!" Dean was shouting in his sleep, sobbing too. Sam still wasn't used to seeing his brother so unglued. Especially when he seemed so normal a few minutes ago. "Dean!" He shouted, shaking his brother. Dean continued to shout until Sam's voice brought him back to reality. The flames of hell slowly died away from his mind, along with those demonic figures. And with a shaking body he and Sam stared at each other. "Dude, are you all right?" Sam gasped. Than Dean did something he never had done before. He shook his head and much to Sam's shock he burried his head into his little brother's shoulder and started to sob...

**Short, but hey I'm tired, lol. **


	5. Chapter 5

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I said I would update some of my older fics, and I am :)

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Sam watched Dean sleeping on the bed. He sighed and covered his face. His brother was finally back, really back. Like talking to Sam again kind of back. Tears fell from his face as he shook his head. He was still recovering from this shock. He had spent so long without Dean, greiving for Dean...those painful memories slowly crept back inside of him. He shuddered as he thought about the past few months without his brother.

He was having a hard time breathing just thinking about it. He shook his head as he remembered Dean crying on his shoulder. That greatly unnerved him. The torture Dean must have endured. A lump filled his throat.

"You shouldn't have done that, Dean," he whispered. "You shouldn't have died for me...I'm not worth it." He placed a blanket over Dean's body as he saw his brother shiver.

Quickly he poured himself a drink.

"How is he?" Bobby came in the room softly.

"He remembered me," Sam said and Bobby's eyes widened in shock and happiness.

"Really?"

"It was what you would call a breakthrough," Sam said, while smiling. He told Bobby what happened. Bobby sighed as he glanced at the oldest Winchester.

"Poor kid," he muttered. "Must be exhausted."

"Yeah," sighed Sam. He shook his head. "We're still far from going back to normal." he snorted. "If that ever happens."

"It well," Bobby assured him. "It'll take time. Lots of time, but you'll get there. If anyone can reach your brother it's you. You already had a major breakthrough today, give yourself a break."

Sam nodded thoughtfully.

"A break...yeah..." He smiled at Bobby. "Thanks Bobby, for everything. Really."

Bobby nodded.

"I'm gonna get something to eat, you want anything?"

Sam shook his head.

"Maybe I'll get him some pie," Bobby nodded at Dean. "Seems that he remembers that he likes it," he added with a devilish grin as he glanced at what was left of the pie that Dean dove into. Sam smiled too.

He sat next to the sleeping Dean as he stared at his brother like a hawk. He couldn't leave for a second, in fear it was all a cruel dream. That he'd wake up and Dean would still be dead. He shuddered at that thought.

But without knowing it, he started to doze off. He woke to Dean yelling.

"Dean!" He sat up sharply. Dean's eyes were open, but it was clear that he wasn't _really _awake. He bellowed and shouted and nothing. Sam fought him as Dean tried to claw his way past Sam, obviously forgetting who Sam was.

"Dean!" Sam bellowed. "Nobodies hurting you! Nobody! You're safe, it's over, it's over!"

Dean had started to growl and continued to shout. But Sam gripped Dean's arm tighter.

"Dean!"

Dean blinked and stared at Sam, as if finally seeing him.

"S...Sam?" His voice was shaking. Sam nodded, tears in his eyes.

"You were having a nightmare," he whispered. "About hell, right?"

Dean shuddered and let his body hang loosely onto Sam.

Sam held him, unsure of what to do.

"Dean...what happened down there? What...what did they do to you? Please, I have to know." He was begging now. Really begging. Dean closed his eyes and saw himself standing over a soul, getting ready to torture it.

He shook in self disgust and suddenly he snapped again and started to growl and than howl in pain as he lunged at Sam, no longer seeing his brother-only seeing himself and the monster he had become-and smashed Sam's head against the wooden floor once, and than twice, before bolting to the door, images of hell flashing in front of his eyes every second, leaving his brother laying on the floor soaking in blood....

**It's short, but do you still want me to continue?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Decided to update some of my more older stories :)

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**

Sam groaned as he woke. A wave of panic rushed over him as he saw that Dean was gone.

"Dean!" He knew it was helpless to shout, but it was instinct. He cursed and the thought of Dean out there, alone and terrified, made him sick. He called up Bobby in a panic and in quickly he managed to get out what had happened. Bobby said he'd be over and Sam warned him that he might be gone and looking for Dean by the time Bobby arrived. He couldn't let his brother wonder the streets, in the vulvernable state he was in.

He raced out into the streets.

"Dean!" He bellowed. "Dean!"

* * *

Dean walked the streets in a dazed like manner. He blinked, trying to regroup his surroundings. Flashes of hell kept on inturrupting d his flashes of reality. In short, he wasn't sure where he was and what was happening to him. Mixture of past pain and prestent fear enveloped each other. Confusing him even more.

He heard snickering behind him. He blinked and turned around and found himself surrounded by strangers.

"Well, well, well," sneered one of them. "What do we have here?" He blinked in response.

"I don't think he heard you," another snickered.

"What's your name?" The first one, an obvious leader of the group, snarled. Dean only blinked and stared, not sure what was going on. Not even sure of who he was at the moment.

_It was all so confusing._

"Hey!" The leader was angry now. "I'm talking to you!"

Dean continued to blink dumbly.

The others starting muttering until one of them decided it was an insult.

Dean let out a terrified, almost animal like roar when they attacked him. He tried to defend himself but they had a gun and a baseball bat. He had nothing.

Finally they were finished with him and tore the necklace off of his neck before running away, leaving him for dead.

And that was how Sam found him, a few minutes later. His heart leaped when he saw Dean, but than sunk as he saw the blood.

_No....no...no! _He raced towards his brother. _No! _He couldn't, he _wouldn't _lose his brother again.

"Dean! Dean..." With tears rolling down his cheeks he rolled over his brother. Dean groaned, letting him know he was alive. "Thank God," Sam breathed and quickly, but gently he picked up Dean and headed back to his apartment, determined not to let his brother out of his site...ever again.

**I know, it's really short but at least it's an update and it moves the plot along! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Just like I promised, I'm updating some of my older fics today! I couldn't Sunday like I was planning to-you all know why :(

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**

Bobby was waiting for Sam back in the motel room.

"What the hell happened to him?" Fear filled Bobby's face.

"I think some assholes jumped him," Sam said, his voice shaking. "It's not like he'd have been able to defend himself," he added bitterly. He stared at Dean's naked neck, realizing the necklace he had given his brother so long ago was gone. His fists clinched at how low it was. He saw the blood still spilling from Dean's head and winced.

"Bastards," he said softly and started to clean Dean's wounds.

"Anything broken?" Bobby asked quietly and he shook his head.

"His ribs are bruised, but that's about it. It could have been worse I guess."

Bobby nodded slowly and helped Sam wrap a cloth around Deans' rib cage. Dean moaned, but still remained to be out of it. Which was probably a good thing.

"We just had a break through, also," sighed Sam. He stared at Bobby. "Why'd he do it, Bobby? Sell his soul for me? Why? I'm not worth it....not worth this."

"Sam..."Bobby's voice trailed off.

"I'm not," Sam repeated. "I'm not worth any of it. I should still be dead." His eyes filled with tears. Bobby placed his hand on Sam's shoulder but Sam jerked it away.

"Don't Bobby...Just don't."

Bobby nodded.

"I'll get us something to eat," he said grimly. "He should have something when he wakes up."

Sam slowly nodded.

"Bobby?"

"Yeah?" Bobby looked at him.

"I'm sorry," Sam finally said. "Really...I am. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"I know that," Bobby said with a soft voice, but smiled at Sam. "No harm's done." Sam slowly nodded. He stared at his brother as Bobby left. Suddenly he heard Dean groan. Sam stiffened.

"Dean?"

Dean blinked as he tried to recoginze his surroundings. He recoginzed Sam's voice.

"S..Sam?"

"Yeah, it's me, Dean, I'm here."

"What...what happened?" Dean winced as he sat up.

"You freaked out," Sam told him. "I think you got jumped when you left, though."

"Jumped? Left..."Dean stared at Sam and saw the wound on his face.

"I....I did that to you," he whispered. He felt sick.

"You weren't yourself, Dean. I'm fine, right now I'm worried about _you._" Sam said firmly. Dean shook his head.

"I hurt you," he muttered angrily.

"Dean-"Sam reached out for his brother who jerked away.

"Don't!" Dean snarled and Sam froze, hand in mid air.

"Sorry," Dean mumbled. "I just don't want to hurt you again...I don't want to become a monster..."

"You're not a monster Dean."

"You don't know that," whispered Dean. "You don't know what I did down...down there." He shuddered. "What they made me do." Sam stareda t him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked slowly and Dean quickly shook his head.

"No," he said, finding it easier and easier to talk again. "No, I can't Sammy. You'll look at me like..."

"Like what?"

"Like you'll hate me."

"I can't hate you Dean, you're my brother. Whatever it is that you're keeping in there...tell me. I won't judge, I swear."

"No." Dean was shaking, trying to warn Sam not to press on it. But Sam persisted.

"Dean, I just want to help you-"

"No!" Dean suddenly roared, flashes of the sobbing souls he had tortured running through his mind. "I said no!" Anger built inside of him as he lunged at Sam and started to punch him over and over, not stopping to breathe and not stopping to think about what he was doing. Without realizing what was happening to him he grabbed the nearest knife and pressed it against Sam's skin...

**_Should I still continue with this story?_**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know that I've been AWFUL with updating my stories latetly, just AWFUL. I never attended to get this bad, but right now I have been swamped with schoolwork. I'm really really sorry it went on as long as it did,. Also my computer broke down twice during the last few months, which is another excuse-I know. lol. **

**And even though it's been forever I hope you guys still review, because it's your reviews that are making me want to update these stories, as well as finish them! So pretty please? With cherry on top? :)**

Sam's eyes widened in shock and pain as the knife dug into his neck. Dean's own eyes was wide with terror and something else that Sam wasn't used to seeing in Dean's eyes. Pure rage and hate.

"Dean," he gasped, grabbing Dean's hand with his own. "Please..."Don't..."

Dean pressed the knife against the skin harder.

"Don't you see?" He said, his voice shaking. "I'm a monster now...Sam...look at what I've become..."

"You're not....a monster," Sam managed to say. "You're not...you're still my...brother..." Tears filled his eyes. "Please ...Dean...don't do something you'll.....regret...please." He was gasping now, struggling to breathe, the blood dripping from his skin.

Dean's hand shook as he lifted the knife away. He dropped it and collapsed on the floor, staring at his hands in horror and disgust.

Sam started to sit up as he rubbed his neck, wincing from the pain.

"Dean..."He paused, unsure of what he was even going to say. Concern for Dean's wounds entered his mind as he saw some of the bandages falling apart. His instinct was to go over there and patch him up but he couldn't move. He couldn't do anything but sit there and stare at his older brother who was trembling violently.

"I'm so sorry Sammy." Dean's voice was soft and almost childlike when he spoke. "So sorry...I didn't meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't." Sam made sure his voice was quiet. "And you didn't hurt me. You stopped yourself from doing so."

"But this is the second time..."Dean's voice broke. "Second time I've attacked you, Sammy..."He shook his head. "I can't do it again."

Sam started to move towards him but he jerked away.

"What are you doing? Stay away." His voice was sharp. "Don't touch me."

"I have to fix your bandages," Sam explained. "Check your wounds."

Dean shook his head bitterly.

"No. Don't come near me. Don't touch me." He repeated himself in a firmer tone. "I...I might hurt you, snap again, if you do. If I seriously hurt you...I could never live with that." Tears had cascaded down his face. "Just leave me be."

Sam shook his head.

"I can't do that, Dean."

**S**"Why not?" Dean's voice was pleading.

"Because you're my brother Dean. It's my job to take care of you."

"I thought it was _my _job to take care of _you_."

"Can't I return the favor?" It was Sam's turn to plead now. "Please Dean, that's all I want to do. You went to _hell _to save me. Can't you let me take care of you now?"

Dean shook his head.

"I don't deserve to be taken care of. Not after what I did."

Sam closed his eyes and tried to controll his breathing.

"Dean...what did you do? Please, tell me. I can't help you if you don't tell me."

Dean shook his head adamently.

"I won't hate you, Dean. I could never hate you."

Dean bit his lip and pushed his knees to his face as he started to rock back and forth, despite the bruised ribs. Sam watched in horror and dismay.

"Dean please-"

"I tortured souls, Sammy," Dean finally spoke. "I...I broke and tortured souls..." And with that he burried his head into his arms and started to sob, leaving Sam sitting there, completly stunned and unsure of what to say or do or even think...

**Sorry for not a very exciting update, but it's better than nothing! And sorry for it being so short. But PLEASE review and let me know you still want me to continue!**


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